In my third day back on Weight Watchers, and so far it has been a snap. Already down 2.6lbs, though that is definitely just water weight, but hey I’ll take it. Even though all the point calculations have changed and the site/app are very different, I’m finding it all very familiar and simple. I guess all the time I spent on WW years ago haven’t fully been erased. Tracking everything is no problem, and so far I have actually been having trouble eating all of my points. And it isn’t like I was short a point or two, I have been short like ten points. I’ve eaten some extra stuff to get closer to my point goal, but moving forward I’m trying to not get into situations where I have to work to be able to eat enough of my points. Part of the issue obviously is that I don’t eat breakfast and have no desire to start, so it is generally those calories that I am probably having to make up in the evening.
The only real hurtle of mine is the activity = more food thing that WW has as a built in option. Right now I have it set up so that my weeklies are eaten before my “Fit Points” (FP), but I may actually put it to that I don’t get to eat the FP. I’m sure part of my gym obsession of days past was largely due to the fact that the more I worked out/exercised, the more activity points I earned, the more I could eat. I still want to go to the gym, but I don’t want it to turn back into a food motivation. Going to the gym for the reason of being able to eat more is pretty ass backwards and I just want to do this RIGHT this time.
Let’s be clear, I have a long history of very disordered eating habits and disordered behaviour when it comes to food. I’ve lost the weight that I have using different techniques that, rather than addressing the disordered eating, just channeled it into a different type of disordered eating by becoming obsessive about details or foods or whatever. I worked around my eating problems, rather than solved them. I don’t think my struggle with my weight and eating will ever end, this will be a lifelong thing for me, but I think I need to address and correct the disordered eating (not re-channel it) if I really want to truly be healthy. I want to be successful but also do it in a way that isn’t just a new type of disordered eating/thinking. And I think I can do that. It is just going to take some major retraining and reprogramming. Probably a lot more work in correcting that than there will be in losing weight.