when did I get so old? It is a super cliché thing to say, but seriously, I feel OLD. I worry I’m losing my “coolness”, my social currency, my hangout worthiness. II have had people say “you used to be so much fun!” and other things like that, and while comments like that sting I absolutely know where they’re coming from. Gone are the days when I would go out to the bars, get drunk, carry on, stay up until 3am. In a lit of ways I have become the nightmare of my 20s.I hardly go out socially at all anymore, and the worst part is that I am totally okay with that. I’m okay that those days are gone. I’m okay that I’m boring and uncool. I’m okay with the fact that I get sleepy by 9:30pm and that I generally don’t have more than one or two drinks. I’m okay with the fact that my ideal Saturday night is dinner at home with my husband followed by watching a movie, snuggled on the couch together. I’m okay that I’m “boring”.
It turns out that I’m able to be non-boring from time to time, like last evening. We had our friends Dani and Moe over for dinner, the first time in over a year. Had an amazing meal and I really good time all around. I drank more liquor than I normally would and stayed up past midnight. However today, the day after, was a total write off. I have felt like warmed shit all day. Exhausted and super dehydrated and just grungy feeling in general. While I don’t regret Saturday’s activities I do feel like the consequences were to basically lose my Sunday. Both Jonathan and I have been useless, so we lost time that generally would have been spent together. I lost a precious day of my weekend, and because of that this weekend has felt crazy short.
Being fun comes at a cost.
So maybe it is not worth thinking about the fact that I’m not as fun as I used to be.